Circa June 2001. A young girl
barely out of her teens landed in Delhi.
Heart of India. Mecca of quality
education. With stars in her eyes and dreams
of carving out her place in the big city of Dilli, she started on a journey of
discovery, battled with the odds and came out somewhat unscathed if a bit
disillusioned, by the stark realities of life and confused as to the purpose of
her life. But the experience was interesting and she learned much, mostly
questioned about her identity and left surprised by the inability to melt into
the colorful tapestry of varied cultures that Delhi is. Because she stood out
in the crowd. Not that she did not try. She
just happened to be a Northeasterner……or to the Delhiite a 'Chinki!'
That was me.
Seven years in Delhi and now I
consider myself a true blue Delhiite.
I crib about all things Dilli and yet take offence when people
talk-thrash Delhi. I often boast about all that Dilli has to offer and
advertise Delhi to family and friends in other cities. But then living in Delhi
for the last seven years has made me so aware of my real identity. Never have I
been singularly made aware of my alienness or difference.
I often discuss this phenomenon
with fellow Northeasterners and we all seem to agree that this is true. Oh yes!
I do have many lovely non-NE friends who do not make me feel like I am so
different and empathize with me when I recount the harrowing experiences I have had. Some celebrate and enjoy my different-ness and some say we are all the
same when you come down to it. They usually say by way of comforting me that
these things happen because not many people are educated enough to mind their
own business or something like that.
Most frequently asked question.
Where from ma’am? Darjeeling? No. Northeast. Oh I know Manipur nice place (Aha! How many times have you visited? Comes to my mind but I keep a straight face and mouth shut) I say Nagaland. Blank stares or oh Assam ke paas? Maobadi bahut hai vaha! (Lots of terrorists out there) I just pass on and they will mumble, “hindi nahin aati hoonge unko toh…..” (Guess she doesn't know hindi) I smile to myself.
Now the Northeast is many states
besides Assam and Manipur and hello! Darjeeling is not one of the Northeast
States. And I don’t know of any 'maobadis' in the northeast. I know what they
mean when they say that though. And most times I have to stop myself from
giving them a lesson in geography there and then. Of course! I am not an expert
in geography but I don’t blindly assume (and there is always google). I have
had my share of embarrassing moments due to my limited knowledge but I am sure
I have not made anyone feel like an alien.
Once I was interviewed by a
correspondent for a popular national daily. She wanted me to recount instances of
feeling discriminated or treated differently. I told her about some typical things which happen to us girls from the NE and she refused to believe me.
Well I said, “ If you don’t believe the typical then how will you ever
fathom the peculiar stuff which happen sometimes because you look different?”
Our conversation never made it to print.
Ok. In delhi most girls get
stared at, pinched, eve teased and face the odd stalking. But we, NE girls often face a great deal of unwanted male
attention because firstly, assumptions about our so called friendliness, obvious difference in appearance and
sometimes attire, and because, we usually shrug it off unless it is too much to
take. Obviously we’ve got more important things to attend to. But I tell you
this. I have walked around Delhi in nice salwar kameez suits and covered from head to toe but hey! I did not
get less stares or comments. So there! Down with the “what you
wear is what you attract” theory!
I don’t want to feel and project
myself as a victim but one cannot help feeling so when you are reminded of your
“different-ness” day in and out. On the bus, auto, at the grocers, markets,
malls. Almost everywhere. Most days I say to myself, “Grin and bear it!” and
yes. We get used to it and have lived with it. But there lies the irony. Why should I have to live with
it?
Delhi is as much my city as anyone's who lives here. Now why do I have to carry an invisible but
obvious tag and have to get used to certain treatments, due to my being first,
a female and secondly, a female from the NE? Isn’t India a country with
cultural diversity as its USP? Why is there so much prejudice, labelling and discrimination?
One thing I can assure you of and
that is, if you ever set foot in any part of the Northeast, you will only get
to feel like an important guest. Oh yes. We have our prejudices and
stereotypes. Guilty! But no one, I repeat, “No one” will call you names to your
face (Behind your back perhaps!) unless you do something hideous.
February 2010. Now my stint with
Delhi is over and I am moving on, taking with me memories, some sweet and some
bitter, armed with sharpened wits and university degrees. I know I will miss
Delhi. And I hope it gets rid of the not-so-pleasant parts soon. And maybe I’ll
be greeted with newer and more pleasant nicknames next time I visit. And I
dream of the day when I will be stared at because I am a beautiful creature,
worth a second look, and not because I have the features of a Northeastern
girl! (Which I am proud of, by the way!)
This is why I totally support the Tetseo Sisters! Have you heard of what they are doing? :)
ReplyDeleteDear Imchaba, I hear they do what they do for love of it. :P
ReplyDeleteAnd I support them too.
Thanks for stopping by.
Do visit again.
I was in Delhi for higher studies in 1985 ( you must have been a toddler then ). I can empathise with most of what you have written.I too had a fascination for that place and it was difficult to come away 4 years later,to teach in a college in my hometown, which i left after some months for a job in Kolkata (Calcutta then ).Do I miss Delhi ? No !I get sick when I recall what some N-E'ners have been through in the last few years.I feel it's high time N-E'ners consider going abroad for studies & jobs.To begin with, D for Dubai should be considered as an alternative, instead of the almost dead-end which Delhi has become for N-E'ners.If my observation is correct, most N-E'ners go there now mostly for the heck of it. Very few do well. And very few want to return,inspite of the job or no-job scene. It sure has a strange hold on N-E'ners.Prevention is better than cure.Better not go there at all for studies.Being there for a job is ok,esp.if the job pays well enough.
ReplyDeleteWhere are you since February 2010 ? Wherever you are, be well & do well.
Hello Namrata, I would have been 3 back then :)
ReplyDeleteMy love-hate relationship continues with Delhi. I have been back to Delhi atleast half a dozen times since february 2010. I am back in my hometown of Kohima now but I will be visiting again soon.
Delhi does have its charms and will continue to beckon many of our young NE'ners. It was pretty safe when I first got there but deteriorated over the years instead of getting better with all the improvements in infrastructure, facilities and quality of life. Very sad state of affairs indeed.
Time to explore other cities and countries too. Totally agree. I would encourage everyone to experience city life but not get lost in the melee.
You too take care. Regards. M
Yesterday I said D for Dubai.Later I realised that some of my distant kith & kin are in Jakarta & another in Singapore and they are doing well in their jobs. A family friend's daughter is studying Medical Science in China.I believe that apart from modern surgery they are also taught traditional healing systems. That's holistic knowledge! The Govt. of India has the policy of "Look East", that is loking towards South-East Asia for commerce, education,etc.. It's high time our N-E youngsters looked east of their region for studies, business & jobs and take steps eastwards for fellow NE'ners to follow.In S-E Asia our people will be acble to merge with the crowds & not be subjected to stares & comments. Of course one has to come up to standards. Being on any foreign soil,anyone has to conform to social & cultural standards and not take it easy.
ReplyDeleteNice to know that you are back in Kohima (I hope I understood correctly).I suppose you have to. You are singing as a team with your sisters and it's easier to coordinate from one centre-point.I also beleive "mid pleasures and palaces tho' we may roam/ Be it ever so humble, there's no place like home." Ultimately most of us, like birds needing rest, searches for a cosy nest in familiar surroundings.
The world is really shrinking and more options opening up for everyone. And more exposure to different cultures should make us all more flexible and at the same time more tolerant.
ReplyDeleteThe Nagaland Government has been helping a lot of young people and lots of positive things are happening out here.
It's good to be back home in Kohima :)
Inspite of all the problems we still face, home is still home. Totally agree with you on that.
Dear Mercy
ReplyDeleteI read your article with attention, surprise and sometimes shock. Being a born-traveler I find myself in different countries, never the one which supposedly is my hometown. All the expats, even when they move from one corner of India to another one, will agree. They feel aliens, different. Let me try to use another adjective: outstanding. Not just different like the ugly little duck but projecting an image above the head and the mind of billions of people who think that only the ones who look like them are worth their appreciation.
In February this year I was at the Sekrenyi at the local grounds. Right, there were not too many foreigners, strangers, "aliens". I walked along and talked to people who were curious to see an alien at the most important moment of the affirmation of their identity as Angami. Shall I say how people looked at me? Little girls smiling and whispering to each other when they saw me, even laughing and running away as if they were scared I would take them on my spaceship and uproot them from their familiar grounds. How did I react when a girl, probably 12 or 13 year old, told me if I would agree to be on a photo with herself and her sister? Why me? Am I different? Am I really an alien? Even more, the mother wanted also a photo with me. Honestly I was glad to show people that even if I looked different I could laugh, drink or eat just like them.
Back to Europe, the situation is not so much different. French laugh at Belgian, Swiss are condescendant towards German, not to speak of Italian. In brief, the majority always tends to feel superior to the minority. As if the numbers give a kind of power. But we all know that quality is what that counts, not quantity. Only the weak and insecure people will feel comfort within the crowd of their own kind. The strong ones are outstanding. They are above the others and even enjoy this status of being an "alien". Imagine, an alien was smart enough to come to this little planet we can call Dilli, Paris, London or Amsterdam. Do weak uneducated people move to places other than their own, unless they are forced by hunger, war or disease? No, only the smart people will feel at ease everywhere.
I heard comments about the *chinki" look of the NE. One day I proudly showed a photo of my friend who happens to be from Nagaland and to my eyes is the most beautiful woman I met for a long time. Oh she has got such little eyes, I heard. Shocked expression on my face. You mean these lovely almond shaped eyes? Indeed she does not have big black marbles but will you try to crunch a marble, whereas if you eat an almond you will feel transported in the Garden of Eden. And so on, and so on.
What would you want to be just a dull part of the crowd? Why would you want to melt into a colourful tapestry? A tapestry has motives, patterns, colours. If one colour melts into the other what will you get? If a pattern mixes with another one will the tapestry remain balanced and harmonious? I want to be a red, blue or yellow, a primary colour. I don't want to be an orange, a green or Heaven forbids a grey. And if someone educated tries to comfort me by saying that "after all" we are all the same, I would feel offended. Why would we want to be the same when God made us different? What does education has to do here? Must I use a mental exercise in order to accept someone who looks chinese or indian or african?
In Europe the most striking women are the Eurasians. They are a blend of asian and european, usually french. Genetically the more different people mix the stronger their offsprings become.
Vive la difference. And if someone is unable to appreciate it, he will miss more than one can ever think of.
Jean-Pierre Haddad
Dear Jean-Pierre Haddad,
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your thoughts. I totally get you and specially loved your comment 'Do weak uneducated people move to places other than their own, unless they are forced by hunger, war or disease? No, only the smart people will feel at ease everywhere.'
I think the diversity of life, people and places on our home planet is a thing to be celebrated. I for one love being different and feel sad that there is so much pressure to conform to the majority. Why isn't it cool to be a minority? Why do we have to be afraid of being different-persecuted for being different?
It is so sad that we have to live with things like that. Yes. Prejudice, discrimination and all the ugly stuff happen all over the world but isn't it sad when you are so discriminated against in one's own country?
We can comfort ourselves saying if others can't appreciate our uniqueness, more's the pity. But while we all strive to find a common ground, won't it be just great to be able to live and let live?
:)
It is sad. The things happening in the Country now. What is the world coming to?
ReplyDeleteIt is sad to know you left our capital city with such a dejected spirit and disheartening memories. I'll guarantee you it happens everywhere, you can come to Tamil Nadu, Bangalore, Hyderabad - It happens ubiquitously. There is proclivity towards racism in every nook and corner of our world today. Yes of course - I hear you - that doesn't make it right still. As the successor of Hitler once said, " Dr. Billy Graham there is no hope for man apart from the resurrection of Jesus Christ".
ReplyDeleteAnd Check this out:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I00bLKJuuAQ .. Remember we all thirst for a change. And the next time I see a NE friend I'll force myself a smile(Forced cause I'm a bit of an introvert ;) )
Eric
Hey Eric!
DeleteThanks for stopping by. It is terrible that women are so unsafe in the country's capital and worse if a particular race or ethnic group becomes soft targets. I have met and know so many wonderful North Indians and Delhites who are equally concerned but the issue is big enough for everyone to be concerned and it is not right that the people who are supposed to protect us and enforce the laws send out the wrong message...as is happening quite often. It is the time for change and we have to be the change.