Saturday, August 20, 2011

Ramblings


I was young once.
I had strength and passion.
I was innocent and trust came easy.
Friends I had many and cares none.
Sorrows were fleeting and laughter always won.
I was fearless and dreamt of touching the skies.
I thought I was free.

And then I grew up and all I can see now is walls.
There is a pool of emptiness inside.
I am blinded by experience and hardened by disappointment.
How I wish I could go back,
To those spring mornings
When the biggest worry was getting to school in time.
Dates were just numbers to cram up for an exam.

Now the war rages on within.
To love or to be loved. Is that even a question to ponder upon?
Oh to be young again and free
From the things that now make you less human but adult now they call you.

The irony of life.
To find a place in the world, you bid love farewell
But you realize on finding your place in the sun,
All you want was to be loved all along.
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Friday, August 19, 2011

The journey



The silence of the night is deafening. 
We rush into the darkness, twisting and turning.
Inside, it is weird. 
Almost creepy.
The compartment is a mass of snores and sighs.
Dreams spilling out. 


I lie awake.
Lights flicker in the passage.


The train rumbles on, eating up the miles.
Taking me farther from you. 
In space and time.


I fall into myself, lying in a cell; 
Cramped and my movements frozen.
Slightly claustrophobic and jaded.
I hear your fading laughter in my head.


I am losing it all.
If this is forever, my soul is lodged in the wrong place.


I want to be jointed to your ribs, 
And lie beneath you for all eternity.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Beneath still waters

A song I love. I grew up listening to a lot of ABBA, Olivia Newton John, The Carpenters, Emmylou Harris and a bunch more from Dad and Mom's collections. Such beautiful melody and simple but honest lyrics.


Beneath still waters
There's a strong undertow
The surface won't tell you
What the deep water knows
Darling, I'm saying
I know something's wrong
Beneath still waters
Your love is gone

Even a fool could see
That you'll soon be leaving me
But each and every heart
Must take its turn at misery

And this time it's me
And I'll cry alone
Beneath still waters
Your love is gone

Even a fool could see
That you'll soon be leaving me
But each and every heart
Must take its turn at misery

And this time it's me
And I'll cry alone
Beneath still waters
Your love is gone
Beneath still waters
Your love is gone
Beneath still waters
Your love is gone 

- Emmylou Harris



Monday, August 8, 2011

I remember

Azi, mother and me: in front of mother's house, my birthplace,
Thüvopisü village, Phek District, Nagaland


I fondly recall a poem we used to read in school. It is "I remember, I remember" by Thomas Hood.
And revisiting my birthplace after almost two decades last week brought such strong feelings of nostalgia that I had to look it up again.
When I stopped at my mother's house,(now occupied by some other family for the last twenty five plus years) tears just fell from my eyes.
I was very young when we used to live there so I don't really remember everything but I have vague memories of standing on the balcony, watching the lights of Kohima town and singing nursery rhymes my mother taught me. Sometimes I used to call out to my father to return home it seems, for those days he was posted in Kohima. 
I remember having picnics with my nanny on the lawns of the Government school where my mother taught. I remember the little marked grave downstairs where my poor dead sister lay. Mother kept flowers and swept it clean every morning. I remember  running up and down the stairs and my nanny chasing after me, making sure I didn't fall and hurt myself. I remember leaving home and moving to our new home in Kohima. We travelled by night and the journey seemed endless. By then I had another sister for company and mother says we were a noisy lot but always happy. I remember going for walks with mother and dad, me on my father's shoulder. I remember the clipped hedges surrounding government quarters and rock pavements winding through houses around Kohima's Bayavu colony. And in summers, climbing peach trees and catching butterflies with my cousins. I remember spending a season with father while in kindergarten and learning to cook pumpkins and squash. I remember playing big sister to my little cousins and running errands for my older cousins. But most of all, I remember being a happy child, picking fallen cherries in my neighbor's yard and dressing up in my mother's dresses and dancing to the tune of ABBA's dancing queen. Those are the memories I cherish from my childhood.

"I remember, I remember 
The house where I was born, 
The little window where the sun 
Came peeping in at morn; 
He never came a wink too soon, 
Nor brought too long a day; 
But now, I often wish the night 
Had borne my breath away!

I remember, I remember 
The roses, red and white, 
The violets, and the lily-cups,
-- Those flowers made of light! 
The lilacs where the robin built, 
And where my brother set 
The laburnum on his birthday
,-- The tree is living yet!

I remember, I remember 
Where I was used to swing, 
And thought the air must rush as fresh 
To swallows on the wing; 
My spirit flew in feathers then, 
That is so heavy now,
And summer pool could hardly cool 
The fever on my brow!

I remember, I remember 
The fir-trees dark and high; 
I used to think their slender tops 
Were close against the sky. 
It was a childish ignorance, 
But now 'tis little joy 
To know I'm farther off from heaven 
Than when I was a boy (girl)."


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